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sO, WHAT IS "WESTERN" MUSIC? cOUNTRY FARM SONGS? rANCH SONGS?

No, no, no. The term Classic Western does not mean country farm songs or songs about the Wild West. So, If you need a drink (and you probably will because you’ll find some bits of this book as dull as a lecture on the geology of gravel), ride on over to the Wrong Ranch Saloon. Ms Puma owns the place and pours the Jack Daniel’s. She has a heart of gold because, in accordance with her life’s role as a cliche in this particular Classic Western, she used to be a prostitute but has changed her ways.

These days, as she tends bar at the Wrong Ranch, Ms Puma has a lot of interesting things to say on all kinds of topics, such as chordophones, horse evolution, and the Standard Model.

If you have a problem with horse stealers or other nasties, get hold of Marshal McDillon. You’ll most likely find him over at the Wrong Ranch Saloon, visiting with Ms Puma a lot. If you can’t find the Marshal, look for Deputy Fester, who hangs around Sadie and Ellie Sue’s horse store. Which is ironic, considering Deputy Fester can’t ride a horse to save his pathetic soul.

If you have a medical problem, Doc Yada-Yadams might be able to treat you. If he’s sober. Which is seldom. But without him, this Classic Western would lack another important cliche, the town drunk.

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